The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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