Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
