I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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