May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
