apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
