Swine flu. Run for my life!
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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