apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
