Please don't use social media to get back at me.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
