my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
