1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
