bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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