Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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