great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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