please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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