did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
