Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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