ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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