Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
