I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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