i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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