mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
