Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
