Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm going to jail i love you
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
