just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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