I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
