She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
