the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
