so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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