all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
