I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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