Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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