So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
