If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
