I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
