You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
