Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
