The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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