im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
