I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
