her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
