So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
