whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's never too late to be topless.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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