Can i not drive my cunt home
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
