My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
