i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
