shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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