Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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