the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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