Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
