saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You took a bar mat shot.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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