The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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