What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
