Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
