well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
