I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
