so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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