overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
