He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
