I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
