I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
