at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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