It's like God shit irony all over that family
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
